- We all have problems. Obviously. But how do we honestly work through them?
- Learn to turn your problems into really honest learning opportunities that make future problems easier to deal with
- Perspective is everything. How can a negative thing in your life teach you something valuable?
- How staying positive during a hard time will not only make you more resilient, but will change the course of negativity sooner.
Links & Currently Reading
Currently reading Born a Crime by Trevor Noah.
**This is a direct transcription of the podcast and is not meant to read perfectly.
Let’s create power over our problems. So I want you to think of a time you had a problem. It helps to write it down. I have sticky notes all over every part of my life and actually or just think about it. That’s okay too. So I want you to think of a time where you felt really really stressed by something really anxious really worried.
It could be so many different things. It could be something financial and maybe you lost your job. Maybe you lost some amount of money. Maybe you knew that you had a big expensive bill coming up. It could have to do with health. So maybe you had an injury that prevented you from doing things that you normally do. It could be something in your relationship romantic or not. So maybe you had a big argument with your spouse. It was very stressful and kind of make you feel happy.
Maybe you got into an argument with a sister or brother or parent and it felt kind of, you know, just not not normal didn’t feel great. And the thing that separates this instance out that you were thinking of from just kind of everyday problems and stresses is that it felt very overwhelming to you meaning in those moments of stress of angst of whatever it was that was not really positive. You felt very overpowered by it.
It and I’m assuming that probably everybody has felt something like this at one point or another but it just felt overbearing it wasn’t something that you felt like you had control over in the moment. It felt like it was taking over other parts of your life. Maybe it made you sleep badly. Maybe it made you lose an appetite. Maybe it was so stressful and even made you feel a little bit sick to your stomach. So, you know think of an instance where that happened to you and I hope it didn’t happen a lot to you. If you’re listening that sucks. It’s not a fun situation to be in but
what you think of something that’s happened to you where you have felt those feelings and now I want you to also think about the moment where that issue was resolved or went away or got better to the point where you felt relief where you didn’t feel so stressed out and so worried and the reason I want you to think about that moment is because I want to emphasize something really important here and I
I’ll tell you why this is all coming out now because it happened to me recently. Obviously, that’s the whole premise of this podcast just talk about my own problems and the mistakes that I make so I want you to think of the moment where that really stressful thing was fixed. It was resolved. You made the payment. You got a job. You healed your injury. You started feeling better you made up with your significant other or your child or your whatever that looks like and I want you to think.
About what it meant for you to regain control and regain ease and peace around that situation. So I think the important thing to remember here is that like at some point in time without being insensitive most of our problems. Do you have a solution and we usually reach a solution at some point or another and usually without our lives being like drastically altered for the worse, but I just feel like in those moments.
It’s it feels like our life is being altered for the worst. Right? Like it feels so overwhelming and so overpowering and sometimes it’s debilitating. And what I have found is that I always feel silly. Literally. I kind of feel embarrassed when I reach that moment of resolved because I realized that it wasn’t that big of a deal to begin with in the grand scheme of things like it wasn’t that serious after it was all fixed. And that moment for me was really enlightening because I was like well if I can just
Remember that at some point probably sooner rather than later not to again dismiss that we all will go through something probably quite serious at some point in our lives and those things are not always just solved. I do want to be sensitive to that but that at some point there will be a resolution and we will feel better and we’ll move on and we’ll forget about that problem and importantly hopefully will have learned from that problem. Right? So I almost feel kind of embarrassed that I was so upset and so worked up about it and I just let it affect me.
So much because if I could have known in that moment of stress and angst that I would eventually probably soon have relief and be fine again, then I would have never had to have gotten so worked up in the first place and I also wouldn’t have allowed myself to just get so worked up about something that was going to just end up being fun. And so that was really kind of the premise of me bringing this to the podcast was I am going to share my own experience with you guys. So if you know
Me at all then, you know that I am a really really active person. I love to work out. I know how obnoxious am I I’m that person. I do. I love it. I love working out. I’ve always loved working out. I enjoy exercise. I really love sweating in a hundred degree weather outside in Florida. I love being sore when I wake up not sore. I’m kind of sad. I just enjoy it. I feel like it’s something that I haven’t become addicted to a good way. I think and I love I love the workouts that I do so.
Oh, I’m an active cross fitter. I really enjoy it. I enjoy just feeling stronger and more capable, you know for me. It’s not really something that it doesn’t really have much to do with what I look like anymore because I feel so healthy and I love feeling strong and flexible. And I love feeling like I have that endurance and I just feel like I’m preparing myself for a long healthy life. And so for me that’s very powerful and I am addicted to it. I love CrossFit so much. I’m also a Zumba instructor and I love teaching my Zumba class. I enjoy dancing more than most things actually.
And so I’ve been very fortunate because I did also play lacrosse competitively I wrestled. I know it’s strange. I played volleyball. I played lacrosse in college. I love sports. I mean, I’m just I just enjoy Athletics. So I’ve been very fortunate that throughout all of that and all these years more than a decade now. I’ve really never had an injury. I’ve never had anything that’s really prevented me from, you know, participating in my workouts aside from recovering from delivering my baby. So,
I you know, I’ve been in this pattern and this routine I’ve been very spoiled and I do feel like working out now is a stress reliever for me. And if I don’t do it, I definitely can tell that my mood is altered and I don’t sleep as well. I mean it’s very much part of my makeup. Now, it’s part of my lifestyle. It’s part of who I am and while I joke about being annoying about it. I’m actually really proud of it because I love it and I’m going to own that so working out is important for my physical well-being and my mental well-being no questions, so
Recently within the last few weeks. I hurt my back pretty badly. And actually what I think what I’ve learned and what the doctor has told me is that I actually tore my core muscle open and pretty severely just kind of right underneath the level that I would need surgery thankfully, but pretty severely where I can’t do absolutely anything for at least two to three weeks potentially longer.
And when I found out what happened when I started feeling pain, I was like because it was I mean, it was a pain unlike anything I’ve ever felt in my life. To be honest with you. I try to be tough. I’m not that tough. I would have delivered a baby every single day of my life and felt that pain it was so bad and it was literally debilitating. So I think in this case when you have a physical injury, it’s a little bit different than something mental. Although it does affect you mentally because I physically was like, you know not able to do things so
So it was very frustrating for me. I was really upset and then I and then I started to feel a little bit better, you know took a couple days off start feeling better. This was so I didn’t really know what was wrong and I just thought I would strain something and so I went back because that’s what I do. I’m very impatient when it comes to things like this. I don’t like interruptions in my routine. I went back to Zumba antidepressant and wow, what a mistake. I thought that I was going to make me feel better and feel like I have more control over my situation and I ripped it open again.
So it was even more painful than it had ever been I could hardly walk. I couldn’t lift my daughter. It was really really bad finally went to the doctor and basically, you know at the end of the day, they told me what it was and you can’t do anything. It’s like a scab if you keep doing stuff that’s going to keep dripping opens. So here we are so that was a few weeks ago. And I remember when I heard that he was throwing out numbers like yeah, maybe four weeks, maybe six weeks and I was like, oh absolutely that’s absolutely not going to happen. There’s no way and I just
Member feeling for a solid two days at least just like extremely defeated and overwhelmed and it’s just it’s so much anxiety and sadness. I just know it just makes you realize like how important some of these things are too in your life and I would argue to that regardless of what happens to you. Whether it’s a financial problem or a relationship problem. For example, when things aren’t kosher when things aren’t right you realize how much they mean to you and how important they are to you and that’s always that’s not a bad thing. You know, I don’t think that’s a bad thing I need.
So good thing to be reminded of how valuable some of these things are to us and what important role they play in our lives because sometimes we can lose sight of that too. So I think just going back to kind of the Silver Lining episode that I did recently. I think there are silver linings to be found in these situations and I do have one that I’m going to share with you as well. But back to feeling really sad active moping around the house. I was super super upset. I was definitely not in a good mood definitely not that nice to the people around me. I didn’t have any motivation. I was I was really
Just kind of feeling sorry for myself. And remember I remember just specifically feeling like oh my gosh, I’m crippled for the rest of my life. Like I was so extreme. Like I don’t know if anybody else does this I’m notorious for this like one thing happens and I take it and I run with it and I’m like my my whole life is pretty much over. It’s so ridiculous. Okay, not a good not a good trait. I’ll say that very openly but I just felt so just felt like it was just going to be forever. I was like, oh my gosh like three weeks.
Feels like three years to me and I’m never gonna be able to see to Zumba again. I’m never know to CrossFit again. And also just in those moments, you’re feeling the effects of your problem so much that it is the thought of it being remote seems very far away, which is something I noticed you like the thought of like picking up a barbell seem so wild to me because I was in so much pain, right and now that I’m so much better. I’m like, oh I could totally pick up a barbell right now not with a lot of weight on it, but I could totally pick them up where so it’s like these like phases of like understanding your problem and
Kind of acknowledging what it actually means for you in that moment in the long term. It’s just very clouded sometimes by how you’re feeling because it can be so overwhelming. So now that I’m feeling better. I’m obviously realizing like okay I can heal I can heal and be a hundred percent again. This injury is not forever. Although I definitely thought that at one point, I mean it was like do I you know, I don’t know. I just it was a really really overwhelming feeling at the time. And now that I’m feeling better. I’m just kind of realizing like how extreme I was and how silly it was that I was being so
Stream like why do I do that? I don’t know. Maybe I’m the only one maybe there’s only a few that you that maybe you’re listening. You’re like, yeah, I’m totally in control not a big deal, but I realized in this was kind of my motivation for this podcast that if I could have realized at that moment of like defeat that actually would be pretty soon that I felt okay again, and then I would be normal again that I wouldn’t have gotten so down and felt so, you know out of sorts and I just realized that I wanted to take that as a learning opportunity and I really
Really wanted to focus on on how I could use this example in the future and ultimately the better about the situation, right? So instead of feeling so defeated. I can just try and fast forward to the best case scenario and and think about what this would look like if in the best case scenario, I you know, I was okay again, and that’s something that’s was really powerful for me at least is just to to stop and say what is the best case scenario? I feel in a week. I’m better.
It’s not the worst case scenario because that is dark too. Although it’s not completely naive to not consider those things. But you know, what is it that what is the best thing that could happen for me with regards to what’s happening right now and I think focusing on that not only makes it all feel better and like you have a better grasp on what’s happening, but I think it also helps us stay positive and put out the good energy and the Good Vibes into the world that we want to bring back to us because we all know if you listen to the show that I believe in that 100%
So if I’m going to be negative and mopey, I mean there’s actual there is no evidence that supports that your mindset does affect your physical well-being. So if I’m going to be really sad and depressed and obvi that’s going to affect me physically. It’s actually going to deter me from getting better faster. So it’s just in these moments though. I feel like I just get it all the time afterwards play afterwards where I’m like, I just wish I could have done this and it’s called being human, but that is my practice right now, and I’m extending it over to you guys and that’s why I said write it down, you know write down one of those instances where you felt that way and right about the feeling where you felt relief where it was better and think about how you can think about that best-case scenario in the moment that you’re experiencing that troubling stuff, you know, the stuff that feels really stressful and overwhelming and I know I’ve I said say this all the time but it’s easier said than done not trying to be insensitive to you know, how our brains work in that sometimes their issues are really overwhelming, you know, sometimes they are debilitating. Sometimes they affect our quality of life so much that it’s almost impossible to do that. I think that having this type of mindset or at least trying to have this type of mindset is valuable regardless of your situation and it’s something that must be practiced. So I obviously thought this many times and I still want to see that happen so goat like worst case scenario. So it’s something that has to be practiced often and isn’t going to just come open.
But I think that what we can learn from it and what we can take away from this is that if we can remain calm if we can be positive about the situation and realize that there is a solution in the future. We are on the horizon for us that we can still remain more powerful than our problem and that’s you know, that was pretty pretty eye-opening for me. So if you didn’t do the homework at the beginning of episode you can still do it now and I encourage you to do it now.
Or take it to somebody in your life who you feel gets really anxious or stressed about stuff and write out a plan, you know and figure out how you can take advantage of some of the shitty things that have happened to you in the past and make them better until next time.