Silver Linings - Better with Daffnee Podcast

The Scoop

• There ARE silver linings in all situations. It’s EASY to not acknowledge or find them. It takes time and effort to find it but it’s so rewarding when you do!
• I say things that are kind of cliché but I think they mean something huge honestly.
• How can we take situations that are shitty and find the positive?
• We ARE allowed to be grumpy, tired, over it etc. But if we are that way more than the opposite, what does that say about our quality of life?

Links & Currently Reading

Currently reading The Guest Room by Chris Bohjalian

Transcription

**This is a direct transcription of the podcast and is not meant to read perfectly. 

Hi everyone, welcome back to another episode of Better with Daffnee, I am your host Daffnee Cohen and today we are talking about Silver Linings and how to take what could be a really crappy situation or a very stressful situation and find something positive and find something that helps you get through the other end of it. This topic came to me for a very specific reason in the middle of this pandemic COVID-19, what a year it has been. If you know may I really do consider myself to be a positive person I really try hard to look at the bright side to find the Silver Lining, I just also being around negative people is like the epitome of flight toxic for me I just can’t I can’t deal with it It’s just very, is very emotionally draining so I try to not be that way, once again not perfect though, definitely I get mad, I get grumpy, asked my husband you know I’m not perfect so it just please know that I’m not like sitting over here and my hangover is like everybody better be like me but I do try to take situations that are negative and to try and find something positive out of it and that really comes from a place of strong belief that every single thing that happens to us whether it’s good or bad is actually meant to teach us something so I believe that in my soul.

I think everything that we experience is meant to teach us something that is important for us to continue living a really good life so when I experience something bad or negative I feel like that actually is more powerful because it’s something that we don’t want to necessarily address or deal with and it is challenging to come out of those things and to stay positive. So I think we could all probably agree, probably everybody who’s listening to this right now that we’ve all experienced something negative, problematic, stressful, scary, maybe it was unexpected, maybe was expected we’ve all been there and in fact I would argue maybe every single day I mean again this doesn’t have to be something life changing although it could be and I know we’ve all probably experienced some of that as well but it could be just small things. Good example is I actually woke up last night with my daughter because she I don’t know actually what happens and that is the joys of parenting I have no idea what happened, she just woke up and was screaming her head off for an hour so that was fun and I was just so sleepy when I woke up, I was just so grumpy, I was so tired and I just love sleeping so much. I mean can you relate or can you really because sleeping is just awesome and I just hate being interrupted when I sleep even by my adorable beautiful daughter I was just like grumpy and I was late for CrossFit because I was sleepy and I wasn’t paying attention to the clock and for some reason thought I could leave 50 minutes later than I normally leave I don’t know It was all very confusing but I was just driving like angry and like this is so stupid, this is going to be such a bad day, I’m sleepy, I’m tired, I’m hungry like just grumpy and as I’m driving and I’m realizing like wow actually though I get to drug to CrossFit that now because I have been home for months as we all have because of this quarantine what a blessing you know, why am I complaining, why am I going to let one thing really my whole day and the thing is that in that moment it is so easy to just continue to be grumpy because I have a good reason to be grumpy.

No one wants to wake up at one in the morning for an hour tending to a screaming baby, that’s not fun, don’t let anyone ever lie to you okay, being a mom is awesome but some of this sucks okay so I had good reason to be grumpy and I think that’s partly where some of this comes from when we’re in a fug [phonetic] we’re in a bad mood or when something is bothering us it’s like if you have a reason it feels like it makes more sense to just continue to be that way like you have a good reason you know I mean if you get into a fender bender that’s a good reason to be grumpy you know if you got a ticket at a red light because you didn’t stop all the way when you made a right turn and now you have to pay $200 which also happened to me recently like you have a good reason to be grumpy that sucks. You know I have a really good example yesterday I was recording this podcast this episode and at the very last three minutes my daughter who decided to take the world’s shortest nap woke up and was screaming; screaming on the top of her lungs and I had to re-record this podcast which is what I’m doing right now.

I was so grumpy, I was so annoyed like this is so annoying to me and so anyways my point is that I feel like when we have a thing and a reason which we almost always do none of us are mostly just managers because that when we have a reason it’s easy to cling on to it you know it’s like well this happened so of course I’m out and of course I’m grumpy and so what I tried to do and what I was trying to do on my way to cross the today is just say like okay I’m going to just like package that up though and I’m just going to like throw it out the window right now and I’m not going to let this like ruin my day because if I continue to think about how annoying all these things have been to me so far I’m going to continue to attract annoying things like that is a real thing guys if you are negative you will attract negative stuff like that is a real thing so stop for simplifying at all like if I can say like you know what it’s fine.

The good thing is that my daughter, there was nothing actually wrong with her I mean that I know of she’s fine today and I actually get to get in my car and go to CrossFit that’s huge and that when I was done with CrossFit I of course felt great like I was I just felt so much better physically and mentally like there’s so many good things that came out of all of this and I tried to put aside the reason why I was just so clinging on to that of course I text my husband who’s at work today and I’m like do you know what happened last night because of course he was sleeping and had no idea was going on and he’s like oh that sucks and I’m like of course it sucks you mean don’t tell me it sucks I know it’s sucks so putting it all aside letting it go okay so I want to talk about this because I think that it is one so much easier said than done I’m so aware of that but really though how much of our time do we spend dwelling on these things that were annoying or negative or stressful instead of deciding we’re going to find a solution or find a way out of it or find a reason why it actually taught us something meaningful I think in an effort to bring it back to the theme of my show which is better being better even if it’s in small ways every day, how meaningful I mean how life changing could it be.

I have another example that I want to share with you guys and I would assume that a lot of you have some sort of story something related to quarantine and during this pandemic and mine is very specific to the fact that my husband was home on furlough for two months and you know again if you if you guys know me at all or if you know my husband might get all, he works a lot when he works so hard and I am proud of him and he does what he loves and I love him for that and it’s always been this way but I definitely get sad you know I miss him and I wish we could spend more time together I wish he could spend more time with our daughter and but you know this is our life and that’s okay you know we all we all support each other and that’s great and it was funny because it was almost like this like lifelong wish that I like didn’t really verbalize where I wish that he could be home more I wish she could work eight hour days instead of 10 or 12 hour days or I wish that he could not have to always you know talk to people on the phone on his days off and you know just all of these things and then all of a sudden it was like kind of granted in this like indirect way where he had to be home and at first I was like oh this is awesome like this is so fun you know and I saw these reports and all these things on social media about people like divorce rates just being really high and I was like Oh my God that’s crazy that’s so crazy like that’s super sad and terrible but I’m so happy that Mike is home and I will also just add that overall I’m so happy to spend that time with him.

He’s back at work now and he got to spend time with our daughter that that will probably never happen again you know so there is a lot of really positive beautiful things that came out of this I will also add that during this whole quarantine I’d still working so I have a digital marketing firm that I own and run and we have lots of clients and almost all of them are doctors and so work was insane for me and my team and I felt like it was a big challenge to explain to my husband that as much as I want to just hang out all day long and play with row in or watch movies and I have to work you know I have to work so and I work a lot actually so it’s kind of started to turn into this like struggle where it was like I don’t I felt like he didn’t really understand in all fairness he really just wanted to spend time and I mean I can’t be mad about that but it started to compound for me and I started to get really stressed about it and very agitated and on edge and I wanted to wake up and work and I wanted to just be up you know uninterrupted and it was just a lot of questions and interruptions because in all fairness like my dozen stay home like that so it’s nothing that he’s ever done wrong you know it was me and it got to the point where I was like finding myself just being really snippy and not very nice he’s going to listen to this and I just you know there was one day where we got into like a little bit of an argument about it and I was just you know I was just like you don’t get it like I just got of work and you keep you keep coming in the room and you keep asking me these things and I can’t just go I can’t just go to this and I can’t go for walks and I can’t just go swimming and I want to do all these things and I think part of me also felt a little bit resentful because I would love to be on furlough I think I don’t know I mean maybe I wouldn’t, maybe the grass is not always greener on the other side but I mean I would have enjoyed and tried to make the best of being able to spend all that time with thrown but I had to work and so it just kind of blew up a little bit and that night when I was trying to fall asleep I was thinking about how ironic it was that I have always just wished and hoped that might could be home or and then I get this magical wish granted and I’m like agitated about it and I was not proud of that you know and I felt bad because I know that his intentions are so good.

I mean he just loves me I mean jeez what a crime you know and I just I realized that I needed to be very clear and how he communicated what I needed from him and what I couldn’t do and just got it just make sure I was very clear about it and also just in those moments when it didn’t necessarily go exactly the way I wanted it to go just remembering and understanding that Mike means well and that he is happy to be home with his family and that the Silver Lining in all of this is that I literally was able to spend so much more time with my husband and I probably ever will again in my life and you know that was hard for me too because I felt once again like I had a reason a really good reason to be mad and to be agitated and to be on edge and to remind him like I have to work, this is important, this is important, I’m right, you’re wrong and I just I really clung to it and so I just you know it was like why am I spending my time on this and of course the second something was said or done that made me a little bit on edge it would snowball and so the whole day would just be kind of me being grumpy and I was so embarrassed I’m like how can I what a hypocrite you know am I for wishing and praying that Mike was home or and we could spend more time together and then being like when are you going back to work and now that’s not great.

So this moment for me was a little bit of an ah ha moment and I was like okay like this is I got to talk about this on the show because I would argue that maybe we’ve experienced things whether it was during this pandemic or not where it’s like you know we wish we hope for something and we you know it’s like we’re always looking at what everybody else is doing and really the thought that the grass is greener on the other side but that’s not always true and you know what maybe it is greener but maybe you like the texture of your grass poor you know maybe it smells different I’m not sure but I think what I’m trying to get at is that there’s so much even in the negative and even in the stress that we have to be grateful for it and the hardest thing is to in the middle of that when you are really in the thick of something stressful or hard or negative to really step aside and say but at least this right and I would encourage you guys to try, I mean try when it happens again you know write it down I mean that’s something that has always been helpful for me and I like to write it down you know this is really stressful for me but it’s okay you know it’s nothing is permanent and I’ve learned something or have gained something and you know sometimes I feel like we want those things to be instant and sometimes they’re not and unfortunately this is the beauty and the hardship of life is that sometimes things take time and so maybe you have experience something very challenging you know very trying and you don’t see that Silver Lining for another month or six months or even in like huge retrospect maybe it’s like years later which has also happened to me.

And so it seems even more challenging you know to try and find that Silver Lining but it is there it always is there and I another thing that I’m just I feel so strongly about that everything does have something positive to help guide and show and teach you and so I think if we can focus on those things and not only do we find our way through the negative thing quicker but maybe a little bit less painfully and maybe preventing the next negative thing or making the next negative thing not hurt so bad and you know I think that I do want to add that I don’t want to be insensitive to the hardships that we go through you know and again burning something in the oven which I’ve done recently so agitating, hate wasting food you know burning something in the oven obviously not as big as is maybe getting a really scary medical diagnosis right or losing a family member or getting into a car accident or losing a pet or you know losing a big amount of money or getting fired I mean there’s things that are just like life altering and I don’t want to be insensitive to that and I have also experienced those things myself but I think the harder or the more challenging the bigger the lesson you know and again I think in the moment it’s very hard to remember these things.

It can be easy to forget all of this but it also takes practice you know you can’t do it once and then you’re just magically going to find your wake of negative things for the rest of your life, it’s a habit you know you have to practice it regularly and I would encourage you guys to do that, so something else that I you know when I was thinking about this and I think I references earlier but I think it’s easy to cling on to the wire the negative thing or the scary thing but whatever realized is that being positive in a negative situation isn’t actually the easy way out but it is the most rewarding way through so you know think about that. It’s not always the easy way out maybe actually sometimes it is it depends on your perspective but it is always the most rewarding and most enlightening way at the end of the day and I have one other example that I want to share with you guys and it was such a life changing moment for me that’s why I’ve never forgotten it but I used to work at a law firm and I will add that the people that I worked with I absolutely adored, I still adore them, I speak to them regularly, they taught me so much I was a lot younger and they just told me so much about everything about business, about marketing, about dealing with people I think that they are just incredibly good people and I’m so grateful that I crossed paths with them and I will say this that my boss was hard on me and he did it because he knew I was capable, he was respectful and he was kind but he was tough and he knew what he wanted and he held me to a very high standard even for myself and I hold myself to a high standard and I will never forget one day I couldn’t even tell you exactly what it was about but I did something that I felt proud of showed it to him and he was just like this is so far off like this is just start from scratch, this is not right and I remember just feeling like so shook I was like oh my God is so frustrated and when I tried to ask for more detail you know I think he was also kind of having not a great day and he didn’t feel productive to me and I got really really agitated like I really lost it I went upstairs to my office and I like cried. I don’t cry that much but I cried I felt so aggravated and so and I just questioned everything about myself and what I know how to do and it’s it was hard because I know that he didn’t mean to be mean or hurtful to me but I you know which I think made it works it was almost like it would have been easier if I knew he was a bad person you know but he’s not and he wasn’t and so I just was so my blood was boiling I like was so quick I wanted to just quit I really it was just bad, it was a build up the whole environment had gotten a little bit stressful because we were on certain deadlines again nobody’s fault or anything but I wanted to write something about it.

I felt like if I could write about that exact moment that I would feel better and I did and I wrote an article I wrote my very first article is the very first thing I ever wrote and I got published on The Huffington Post that day and I submitted it I mean I just poured out of me you know and I just felt like it was just a genuine and honest and I submitted it and they replied right away like we love this we’re going to publish you and I was like Oh my gosh like this turned around I was so happy, I was so proud. It just ended up being a really incredible experience and so the whole point of this story is just that even in the moments where you feel like they are you know, things are so stressful and so negative and you’re feeling really down. There is always a Silver Lining and it really it’s not something that you’re entitled to you know it’s something that you just deserve but it is something that if you search for it and if you ask yourself the hard questions and if you dig a little bit deeper and if you wade through the negative that wants to build up, you’ll find it, you know and it will be there for you and I just I wanted to share that with you guys because I felt like if we could all focus I’m not just a little bit we would find ourselves in a lot less negativity and a lot more positivity which is huge and I and I think that is another really key component of how we just continue to be a little bit better for ourselves and for the people around us.

So I encourage you take a look at your situations right now maybe there’s something going on right at this moment that you can reflect on and try and find the positivity in it and if it’s not right now maybe it’s tomorrow or maybe it’s in a week and we’ll work on it you know we’ll work on being a little bit better in a little bit less negative and a little bit more positive and hopefully that takes us somewhere better so until next time…